Trauma has been a lifetime low-grade fever for me.
Yet, there have been seasons when sepsis has set in after another traumatic agent was injected into the weakened immune system of my life.
The mercury soared when life reached another feverish pitch a few years ago. I have been physically curled into a ball ever since. Trauma has a way of truncating just about everything – physical health notwithstanding.
Part of what had sustained me when I left my father’s house at 15, was that I joined the local YMCA. I started to move my body, find some good in it, and care for it in moderately healthy ways. I found then, as I do now, that my emotions, mood, and energy were better regulated with a daily dose of motion. That small step moved me into an adulthood geared toward physical health, in the least obnoxious and obsessive way. It was also the natural career path that I pursued for over 25 years.
Two years ago the antigen of abuse was injected into my system again. I was in the ICU of life, unable to move. It is a statement of fact that every ounce of energy went into not dying.
Sit with that for a moment.
Roll it around in your mind like a hard marble in a glass bowl.
Every. Ounce. Of. Energy…
I now find myself sore – everywhere. My head has been hung so low that my neck is stiff; my shoulders, slumped in shame, have gone on strike; my hands and hips have simply seized in quiet protest.
Finally out of ICU, I am now in the “rehab of life.” Rehab is reserved for those who have survived. Residue is of ruin is everywhere, and I must begin again to thaw in my physical body, what trauma has frozen with its icy blast. It has been “winter, but never Christmas” for a few Advent seasons now.
I am coming to The Courage Conference in October 2018 to share with you how to use “Motion as Lotion,” how to remove the residue of ruin, and how to thaw the frozen bits. I come to you with years of not only professional, but personal experience, cradled in still aching arms.