This was not then, and is not now, a power neutral conversation. The alleged offenders are esteemed members of your organization and alleged Christian leaders.
I’m about to spit nails. People wield the language of CHOICE like a weapon. I’ll tell you who talks about CHOICE like that… People who damn well have it. That’s who.
Outrage usually comes with violent action. I feel my flailing weak word arms are limply directed at a cannibalistic giant. Meanwhile hot tears of outrage stream down my sunken cheeks. No, it surely is not enough. But word arms is all I’ve got to flail today.
Be suspicious when someone of greater power assigns blame to someone of lesser power.
What we fear and what we should fear are often two very different things.
We have this false notion that because we “know” someone to be upstanding in the light, that somehow they are upstanding in the dark. This does not bear out with the lived experience of millions of survivors or evidence.
“Seduction: The act by which a man entices a woman to have unlawful sexual relations with him by means of persuasions, solicitations, promises without the use of physical force or violence.”
Deep memory wakes me in the night, like wormwood – when the bitterness you left behind seeps through the unguarded chinks in my mind. Your seed, the one with which you inseminated my soul; is rotting and wriggling like maggots from their parasitic placenta. In my slumber, you and your many faces come to me. You charm, coax, rub, hope, cajole, invite, entice, expect and enter. I avoid, explain away, rationalize, minimize, make excuses for, give in and finally open myself to the decay of you. I panic and wake myself, feeling the movement of imaginary maggots that I am certain must be there.
“They are… wild ocean waves leaving nothing on the beach but the foam of their shame.” Jude 1:13
I naively assumed that a man’s deposit of warmth, tenderness, interest or compassion was authentic. It never occurred to be that compassion could cover the exoskeleton of a hardened heart or become a means of personal gain.