This is written as a long lament. It is difficult to read, has some coarse language and coarser content. reader self-care and caution is advised.
He was arrested before I got home that day. She was gone. He had done S-E-X to her. Her a child. “She had asked for it,” he said. I found that strange on account that we weren’t allowed to make requests, much less be granted them.
It was a rural town and word got around.
Word swirled around. So did shame.
It was a red-hot shame. It was white-hot too.
Was your Daddy screwing you?
Most Daddy’s do.
If shame had a name, it would be mine.
Drink from the ditch, you bitch.
That’s right, I said it.
I said it, and I meant it.
Drink from the earth like the dirt you are.
If shame had a name, it would be mine.
Don’t you come on this bus.
There ain’t so place for maggots round here.
Do you hear a fly… “buzz, buzz, buzz…”
Naw, that’s right – you’re still a worm.
If shame had a name, it would be mine.
Slow walk from the stop to the hell that is home.
There ain’t no home round here.
Just a few animals who get some scraps.
Sounds ’bout right.
Ain’t no good for nothing else.
Even grunt like an animal you do.
If shame had a name, it would be mine.
Daddy comes back from prison.
We are still in it.
A free man.
More careful now.
Cautious too.
C-O-P-E-R-A-T-I-O-N he’s looking for.
He better keep looking.
He does.
At me.
Every chance he gets.
If shame had a name, it would be mine.
Slut.
Someone is at you.
Rip and tear.
Assault you there.
That’s right, you whore.
That’s all your good for.
If shame had a name, it would be mine.
Wipe that look off your face.
You ain’t nothing to look at you know.
Hack.
Rob.
Ruin.
If shame had a name, it would be mine.
I’m all grown up now.
He found me.
He saw lonely.
He lured.
He lied.
He overpowered.
He anesthetized.
He ate.
I cried.
I tried suicide.
If shame had a name, it would be mine.
I woke.
I spoke.
I sought.
I lost.
I signed.
I hid.
He fled.
He won.
I’m done.
If shame had a name, it would be mine.
Shame is a lavish liar.
Conveniently, so is he.
Shame has a name, it is his.