With You.

I knew what it was to watch for and wait for a rescuer.

I understood the longing of the star.

I breathed the air of degradation;
the stench of sewage was thick with it;
the ammonia of abuse was utterly suffocating.

Of late I have become aquainted with hopelessness. It has descended on the sum total of my personhood bit by bit as I have watched corruption bubble up in every aspect of public and private life. I have watched some win while most wait. I have watched others be exalted while more are denigrated. I have watched the truth be told only to be lit on fire by lies. I feel the blasts of brutality blowing through the thin garments of hope that I have stretched repeated around the ruin.

Surely help will come.
Surely someone will see.
Surely offenders will be outed.
Surely a deliverer is coming.
Surely the many wrongs will be set right.
Surely someone will rise up and set the record straight.


I have written that every single time a door was closed to an offender, a window opened to another. Of late I have learned how to lock up those vulnerabilities and put bars on the brutality. At the same time, #churchtoo has dealt a near lethal blow to my so called “Christian” faith.

When I came to faith some twenty years ago, I wanted a rescuer.
I wanted the oppression overthrown.
I wanted someone to come into my hell and take it and me away.
I wanted out.

He wanted in.

Christ incarnate was born into my hell.
He came to suffer with me.
I didn’t want someone else to suffer (especially for me),
I wanted out of my suffering.
That is not the kind of rescue I wanted.
That is not the kind of king I wanted either.
That is however, the kind of rescue I got and the kind of king I’ve got.

This sort of “with you” suffering Saviour doesn’t sell well either.
It doesn’t make a great world tour or robust book sales.
It’s not particularly flashy and makes a less than profitable platform.
So you see, the King and the “kingdom” seem worlds apart to me.

Yet, there must be some kind of saving in suffering with.
This schools me.
It also settles me in an indefinable way.
There is clearly power in being with, otherwise it would not be.
So I will do all that I can to embrace the worth of this with.




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