Grooming of Adults by Abusive Advisors: The Diabolical Dilemma of Disclosure

We fear the rare powerful predator — we ought to fear the ubiquitous persuasive one.

If you or someone you love has been groomed as an adult by a trusted advisor (employer, cleric, therapist, doctor, mentor, educator) —  you may blame the victim. However, victims are just vulnerable people — and all people are vulnerable.

What is adult grooming?

IMG_2988Source: Adult Grooming

The Predatory Pathway

There is a pathological progression of adult grooming that the persuasive predator leads the unwitting victim down. The abusive advisor knows the end game — the victim knows it not.

IMG_2989Source: Adult Grooming

Any or all of the aforementioned actions are guideposts on the persuasive predatory path. Abusive advisors appear to operate from the same playbook, regardless of age or gender of the targeted victim or the hoped for outcome (money, sex, spiritual abuse).

IMG_2990Source: Adult Grooming

Predation along the lines of “love”

Persuasive predators generally groom along the lines of “love.” While love literally has NOTHING to do with it, nevertheless, this is the most common pathway of persuasive pastoral predation.

IMG_2991Source: Adult Grooming

Disclosing abuse by an advisor

Adult grooming and subsequent abuse by a trusted advisor is a serious betrayal trauma with a high probability of going undisclosed, undetected, and unbelieved if disclosure does occur.



Source: Adult Grooming

Blame, Blame, Double Blame

I’m sooo tired of being blamed.

I was targeted and traumatized as a child and again as an adult — repeatedly.

I trusted them.
I trusted him.
I will never blindly trust again. 

To trust and to have hope are human ontological needs. To be lured, lied to, lied about by a trusted advisor is a study in betrayal trauma. The response of the offending community is often an institutional betrayal on top of an an individual one. 

The world can’t even seem to universally agree that adults ought not to brutalize children for sexual purposes and that we ought to univerally believe them when they disclose abuse. We have academics whose careers are literally devoted to the persuasion of others that children and adult victims are lairs.

When you add the underbelly of organized religion to this we further muddy the swampland of sexual abuse with a patriarchal theology that propagates the physical, sexual, spiritual, and emotional subjugation of women and children.

Throw in the wicked woman, the woman at the well, harlot of Hosea and the naive trust of the masses of elite deviants who represent the Almighty — and you have our past and very present mess.

Y’all don’t even believe the brutalized babies in your midst. What chance does the brutalized adult have of being believed?

Let me tell you — NONE.

We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
I’ll be damned if I settle for that.



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