Love, Blame & Belief

Defending sexual abuse is utterly indefensible. The defenders of the faithless mischaracterize truth as falsehood, put bitter for sweet, evil for good, and darkness for light.

It is not a ‘witch hunt.’
We were the hunted.

I wish I didn’t know what it feels like to blame the victim, to be the victim, to love the offender, and to wish with all my wisher that the allegations of abuse weren’t true — but I do and they are.

What I can tell you is this — the only way through is truth — as savage as what it seems.

I was ten when the first offender I knew blamed the victim, my sister. I believed him.


Because I loved him.
Then I became the victim.
Then I loved and believed her.

When I was fifteen, I left behind a brother who also believed the offender and blamed the victim.


Because he loved him.
Then he became the victim.
Then he loved and believed me.

Many years after the offender died, more evidence of his sex abuse came out.

I was gobsmacked, yet not.

Even when I KNEW he was a sex offender, I believed the victims, and I was a victim; it’s was really hard to come to terms with who my father really was.


I didn’t want it to be as bad as it was.
As it turns out — it was worse.

We don’t believe the victims very often until we love a victim, or become one ourselves. The more attached you are to an offender, the more you have personally at stake in believing him — the more likely you will be to blame everyone BUT him.

Savage love demands truth and believes the victims — it doesn’t defend the falsehood of offenders.

search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close