Sarah’s Sorrow: A Victim’s Response

I have had to live longer than most with dual and diametrically opposed realities. It is literally mind splitting to hold two realities in the same psyche: a good father whom you love, respect, believe you know, and need; versus sexually abusive father who eats whom he is supposed to feed. One is the day daddy, the other is the night father. When the night overtakes the day, it is dark indeed.

Sarah Davis, CEO of RZIM HQ shared a public word recently. Sarah and I met virtually some time ago one time, at her request. The instant the meeting opened, tears flooded my face without my expressed permission, conveying my sorrow for her sorrow; my grief for her grief; my loss for her loss. We met as sojourning sufferers, as sisters in sorrow, and I, for one, will never forget it.

To be clear, I do not personally or professionally know Sarah. I only know the way of savagery and suffering a daughter must take when she sees the devastation created by one who gave her half of her DNA. It takes immense courage to see, and I suspect she sees yet dimly. Complete clarity is a gift oft given in hindsight, when it is safe to see fully. Our minds do not permit us to see it all at once. Why? It’s too much. It’s just too much.

I relate to Sarah’s sorrow. I relate to it as marrow meets bone. I feel it viscerally. I know how far Sarah has come to let herself see the dark, and how much work she has to yet to do to find new ways to hold fast to the light.

I am keenly aware that there are other direct victims of RZ’s abuses and RZIM’s toxic culture. This must be elucidated and adjudicated with justice and mercy. Nothing short of full disclosure, restitution, and recompense is in order. The manifold victims in this situation deserve no less.

As for RZIM’s future, the future of the senior leadership, and the direction of the organization as a whole, I hold no opinion. Quite frankly, I do not care. I have children to raise and one small life to live. I am not a patron of the organization, nor will I ever be. I am not in professional ministry, nor will I ever endeavour to be. Other internal/external stakeholders who have a vested interest can and should speak their personal and professional mind on these matters. This is a matter far outside my circle of influence or interest. If you are looking for outrage from me, look elsewhere. I am all out of rage to give.

As it relates to my person to Sarah’s person, I accept her apology and her humanity.

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