It has been rightly writ that “the rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous.”
So given that the rain of ruin is a part of being human… it is integral for those who have survived to engage in active recovery and resiliency in order to thrive.
Humans are complex, but they can be loosely parsed of in three different bits:
When trying to recover from any loss/trauma or even a major change of state (moving, new job, new baby, break up, death, divorce etc.) the first and most important thing to address is the body.
Many people over or under eat; over or under sleep; while most will under move. No one can feel well unless they make a deliberate attempt to manage their own body; to feed it; to rest it; to exercise it. It is part of the instruction manuals for humans. I have not ever met a person yet is does not have a body — you have one too and it needs proper care and keeping.
If you are sad, angry, and out of sorts for too long, for the benefit of yourself and the sanity of the people that love you – GET SOME MEDICAL ATTENTION. There are times for pharmacological intervention, while not a cure all, meds can help. Mood altering medications can up your capacity to be creative, to problem solve, and to cope.
The next most important thing is managing or learning to manage your soul which can loosely be considered: your mind, your will, and your emotions. No one can make you think or feel anything and most definitely no one can govern your emotions for you. No matter what has happened to you, who harmed you, who left you, who abused you, who betrayed you, who abandoned you etc… this is something that you have to learn to manage. No. It is not fair. Life is not fair. No parent, no partner, however good, helpful, well intentioned and saintly can do that for you. You can get help. You can and should seek a good therapist, but ultimately the therapist can only control his/her mind, will and emotions — not yours.
You must do that bit.
That means, not allowing yourself to ruminate on the painful event, loss, or betrayal 100% of the time. Pick a time, think about it and then use something called “thought stopping” to govern your thoughts. Treat anxiety like pent up puppy it is. Anxiety requires action to release that excess energy about stuff that has never happened and may never happen. Take it for a long walk until it’s tired out.
You MUST, you absolutely MUST grow some emotional skin. Emotional skin is this the healthy barrier between your inner world and the outer world. You may think that your emotions and your thoughts are not within your governance, that you cannot help it. You could not be more wrong. Who is going to manage your mind if you do not? It’s a jungle in there. If you do not put some plans in place to take the bull my the proverbial horns, you will be tossed to and fro with every little storm and baby — life is full of those.
You need some coping skills. Pronto.
And finally, you got yourself a spirit. That is the little spark that makes you you. It makes you sparkle, it connects you to the Almighty, to beauty, and to other creatures. Ruin can rain so hard that it crushes your spirit. It will grow in time again. It will rise up with the sun. Dawn is coming. It fact it comes daily. Spend some time watching the cycles of life around you. Take the time to know yourself, to nourish your spirit and to know others.
You are made for more.
You really are.
You are so more than what has happened to you.
What’s more, you can make things happen.