What Do You Do About It?

There are very few simple solutions to compendium of complex problems that survivors face when their offender(s) roams freely — post disclosure.

What do you  do about it?

The decision tree is full of trauma and needs to be thought through carefully. Good legal and trauma informed therapeutic council is critical.

Whatever decisions make — I urge you to keep the following in mind:

1. Your ultimate goal
2. Your capacity to cope
3. The worst possible outcome
4. The cost

Then multiply.

Take into account the following:

  • your disposition,
  • your vulnerability,
  • your power,
  • your resources,
  • your community,
  • your culture,
  • your safety,
  • your stability,
  • your health,
  • your needs,
  • your future,
  • your escape plan,
  • your employ, and
  • your capacity to cope.

You cannot worry about the global impact, the predators next step, or even the next prey — although you do — I do too. You are the only one who has to live your actual life. Abuse has robbed you of so much — seeking justice should not rob you of the remains.

Having done all possible — go on.

I am NOT suggesting you throw your hands in the fatalistic air — apathy is not the answer. I am defending your ability to factor yourself in the equation. Injustice — took all — justice ought not take more.

One more thing… whatever additional course of action your choose to take — evidence suggests that you must do it collectively, methodically, and legally. Powerful predators are litigious legalists. Curate the full strength of collectivity, culture, and credibility.

I care deeply about you and your life. It should not come down to a choice between a high quality of recovery, the capacity to cope, and a long litigious battle. I wish to acknowledge the fact that — so often it does. You are worth caring for and caring about.

Sometimes winning at all cost is not winning at all – it’s just costing.


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